dad's last words
When mum died , my brother and I took turns to look after dad in the old family home .. he had dementia , and could not be left alone ..
In the ensuing 3 years I grew much closer to him than ever in my life,
And shared my Christian faith verbally with him ( … just the once !! )
Awake at 3 AM
In the small bedroom at dad’s
That used to be mine
40 years on and mum gone
Dad with dementia wandering around
Wondering where mum is but she’s not to be found
“Dora ?” he says, as he looks into her room
Thinks she’s on holiday but isn’t too sure
Even though he is the one who found her dead
Just two nights before
Splendid oblivion? Or nagging doubt
Seems not to know same every night
Why are my boys here?
It’s so good to see them though
Several days down the line the penny drops
“She’s not coming home is she son?”
“No dad she’s not”
“OK that’s it then , yes I see
Are arrangements made do you need me?”
“ A lot of it’s sorted, dad, but yes you could help”
After a week or two
I feel a deep prompt in my spirit at night
“Dad, you know when you come through the door
And mum’s not there
And it’s all sad and lonely hopeless and empty ?
Well there is a door and on the other side
Is joy and peace hope and fullness
Light and life “
“I suppose you’re talking about Jesus Christ ! ”
“ Yes, I am , dad “
So that was it job done
And I left it at that
In the three years following these events
We grew pretty close
When David and I went to see him at the ‘place’
He would ask us why we’d come
In his mind he was working away
The job nearly done he’d be home in day, or so
The carers told us
He was messing with radiators
Yes, he had been a plumber and central heating installer
He thought he was in ‘digs’
A strange word for bed-and-breakfast
The food wasn’t bad
And yes the job will soon be done
But how had we found him why did we come?
Deterioration set in
Things got worse
Taking his clothes off living the curse
“Ernie’s gone missing again !”
Couldn’t be found
Scabbed a lift off a passer-by
Who brought him back when he realised
My wife played him a CD of a Welsh male voice choir
"How great Thou Art" - touched his heart, made him cry
On his birthday,
Brought him some cards and some sweeties
Took him 5 minutes to open each card
but there was something of a distant remembrance in his eye
Now he never said a word
Lost in his thoughts
Whatever they were
“Dad , do you want a jelly baby”
“ Yes , son “ he said
His last words to me, as he lay back on his bed
I do hope he opened the door
© John nuttall